warzone

1.

Why on earth do I care? If other people can find it in themselves to not care about the bigger picture and indulge in their own petty insecurities then why not me? sitting back and allowing them to go on with their vicious attacks only giving them reason to go on. You're only giving in.

vs.

Stop being so melodramatic and self-pitying. imagine yourself in their shoes and stop trying to play victim. In situations like this there is no right and wrong, only bad judgements and bad decisions and you should be happy that you're not the one being held to that burden. Cheap shots and mean comments only stand for temporary relief, in the end their own venom will poison them.

2.

How embarrassing it is, in moments when you are reminded of just how huge the world is to realize that you have been distracted by silly, trivial matters like clothes and weight and appearances. To know that the area of your concern has been narrowed by the pure nature of human vanity. Here are things to constantly work towards, to wonder about, and you waste your time watching Kim Kardashian buy a new dress.

vs

even so, no matter how utterly convicted i am in that exact moment i know that somewhere, in the back of my mind that i will return to my normal affairs without as much of a moment's hesitation. no matter how i look at it (as well as resent) all this pettiness is an essential part of myself. If you constantly surround yourself with wholesomeness, will you not one day cease to be amazed? the drab of everyday life is what makes the humbling moments truly meaningful, and evident from the tangle of the other seconds that tick by.

3.

All these complaints about the government, the horrible and completely unrequired name calling. It's easy to be the rebel, to critisize and to call for a better future but to be in that position of power itself, it's a whole different story. Being the decision maker means having to make hard choices, especially when they are unpopular. In one way or another, every choice will cause inconvinience to some for the greater good, and it is never easy to be the affected party but constant defamation is no use either.

Vs

Having said that, if we had a whole community of people who thought like me, who settled to score with "oh it was a hard decision", there would be no push for improvement. the people who challenge the voice of authority are the same that inspire progress and improvement in a society, the management only care to always be on their toes in order to not be bowled over by the protests that would come if they stepped out of line, and this is what keeps us moving.

4.

In the moments where pure human error occurs, when the inevitable moments of deep blues and mean reds come and drown you in bad thoughts, It brings reason to imagine of the consequences of being more invested in a person than vice versa, that you'd be left looking feeling like a bit of an idiot. It makes one feel awfully lonely, and hurt by occurences that have not and probably never will happen. Surely, it's not supposed to be like this?

vs

look around you and realize that you have been granted something that everyone around you is constantly bleeding for, presented to your benefit although you have not done much to deserve it. the privilege of loving the people around you and being willing to do anything for them, and even more amazingly, the solace of never having to doubt their affections because they remind you every single day. you can't expect every moment to be picture perfect. be disgusted by how selfish you are being right now, to even for a split second want for more than they have already given you when you know for a fact that they have already given you their all. the least that you could do for them in return is to allow them to be human. Yes, the more invested you get with a person, the more the intense the hurt nflicted if one or both parties fall to become careless with one another. but the fact that you know this risk and yet are willing to not only proceed but also work to further immerse yourself into the company of those you love is all that is needed to be said- that they are worth it.

More often than not, i tend to go into a warzone with myself. To exist in two opposing states of mind, it can get quite tiring. Knowing what is right for yourself and the people around you versus that irrevocable bitterness in the bottom of your gut that urges you to be selfish. Wanting to indulge in all things you have learned from hard experience to work past. Hating yourself for being so selfish but not being able to deny that little voice that betrays your weakest moments. human nature in itself puts you in quite a pickle doesn't it? i have been wanting to write about this for ages, and even after months of allowing my thoughts to simmer and coagulate this is more of a mindless ramble than anything substantial. but it's more than enough to imagine someone reading this and feeling a sense of acknowledgement, identification. In the end, better judgement always wins. at least, it has so far. As of right now, there is a sense of peace in thinking that this endless to-and-fro is exactly what we need to never take things for granted, to keep us grounded, to keep us human.
good luck with the battle ladies and gents, i'll see you on the other side.