But then again, I don't want to turn this into a moan-&-groan blog post. I have way too much of those already. I want to write about what 2013 has been for me, because I have a feeling that I will look back on this year as the start of many things.
This year, I fell in love with learning. When I opened up my mind and allowed it to wander the world opened up to me, and my own mind (full of melodramatic rhetorical questions on identity and the meaning of LUVVV) became much too small of a place to live in. I never truly knew how precious education was until I allowed myself to be immersed into it. I learned how to mould my talents and passions into real aspirations, doing things for a cause and not just so I would become this undeniably cool and deep human being that was universally desired. I have to thank my friends and teachers for bringing me to light on this, for every poem, article, theory and data they have allowed me to explore I was able to understand the world better, and to appreciate it for all it's intricate ways and quirky habits like I would a lover if I was in a sappy indie movie.
Another huge part of 2013 was the mixing of the old and the new, mostly in the form of friendships but also in deciding which CDs were still socially acceptable to keep (the answer is apparently not the Hannah Montana soundtrack). I knew that I was going to make new friends coming into college, but I didn't know that they would have such a big influence on me. I thought I had myself pretty figured out, but man, was I wrong. I met people that are so completely...weird; and so completely wonderful. These are people who have a thirst to experience the world at it's extreme. We spend so much time together that we get a bit sick of each other, but we also get overly excited about something cool that we've discovered and talk about the littlest things that we're all secretly going through so that we know that we're not abnormal. We have late night conversations about the sudden boom in China's foreign trade, why some people pierce their genitals and why we are so afraid of the future. We eat shitty unhealthy food together all the time. They give me tough love when I need it, reassurance where it's due and hugs when I am tired and upset but too proud to ask for one. They are family.
As clichéd as this sounds, 2013 taught me a lot about the L word. Throughout this year I've seen many different forms of the L word, ones that I've dreamed of, ones that I've feared and even ones that I have curiously discovered by first-hand experience. I've experienced fresh love, rediscovered love, awkward love, weird-is-this-supposed-to-be-this-way love, scared love, scarred love, loud love, quiet love, in-the-moment-love, after-the-storm love, quick love, doubtful love, permanent love (that was very scary to think about), sad love, comfortable love and so many others. I think I've grown up a lot, ticking off the check boxes on all these different kinds of love. Ultimately the lesson is that you can't hold love down and try to package it. It will morph and change and you will change along with it. You will grow up with it, as it will grow up with you, and it will be the best ride of your life.
2013 has re-shaped who I thought I was. I am not as cold-hearted as I like to pretend to be-I am often too emotional and although it irritates me, I guess I will have to make do. I am also smarter than I gave myself credit for. A track record of mediocre academic results throughout high school may have made me lax and lazy, but this year has proven that I work under pressure, and pretty alright as well if I do say so myself. The amazing opportunities I've had have shown me what I love, and what I am good at. Hopefully, there will be more opportunities that will allow me to expand on that.
2014 is going to be scary. Thinking about 2014 is scary. Going through it is probably going to be a lot worse. Even so, I think we're going to be alright.
Cheers,
Weiann.
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