Resonance

April


She was trying, she said, to be all that.
She was trying to call focus to what was right in front of her eyes, but it seemed that she had grown weary of what time world didn't have to offer. If only she could wear the dread she felt on her shoulders, just to show herself that she was allowed to sink. It felt rather horrid to be caught between two constantly moving time frames: she felt like an intruder stepping back into a past that no longer belonged to her, as it was draining to live in a present where everything just slipped through her fingers. Time always passed the same way, a blur until it was no more.

She lacked many things. She lacked discipline and she lacked vision. most recently, she had discovered that she lacked talent. It was frustrating to have spent so much time appreciating and loving, to only be frustrated at being absolutely and disgustingly normal.

She lacked the ability to amaze people.

But now and again, she finds her moments in the pauses. Swimming in deep undertones and hanging Aftertastes, she catches a glimpse of how it is to be wonderful. But thinking so much isn't healthy, and it's making her head ache. She closes her eyes and resigns to be suffocated by her own limitations.

For now, she is content with songs that resonate in the somewhat hollow cavity in her, thinking: someday, somehow.